If you’ve got some time on your hands today, you should make an effort to watch the longest boot commercial ever made… I stopped it at about 2:30 into part 1… right after they show Deastro.

I’m not sure how it’s already Wednesday, but happy Wednesday.

After having overdone it a bit at my first Hamtramck Labor Day Festival which ended in a trip to City Club, I’m sincerely looking forward to this weekend where nothing is going on and I can sleep forever and… Wait! There’s another festival!

Dally In The Alley takes place between 2nd and 3rd and Forest and Hancock. Just get yourself near there and you can’t miss it. Promise.  Non-musically you’ll have a chance to buy some Kanye shades and buy cheap tickets for Theater Bizarre. Here’s the music lineup. Good / Bad / Haven’t Heard?

GARDEN STAGE
12pm - Dixon’s Violin
1:00 - Small Noises
2:00 - The Reelers
3:00 - Legendary Creatures
4:00 - Red Iron Orchestra
5:00 - Phantasmagoria
6:00 - Creepy Crawlers
7:00 - Dark Red
8:00 - Space Band
9:00 - Isles of Esp
10:00 - Marco Polio & the New Vaccines

FOREST STAGE
12pm - Tone and Niche
1:00 - Harper
2:00 - The Blueflowers
3:00 - Secrets
4:00 - Spitting Nickels
5:00 - Maiyana Davis
6:00 - Black Planet Music
7:00 - The Regiment
8:00 - Ledy Te
9:00 - Kyle Hall
10:00 - Moon Pool & Dead Band

ALLEY STAGE
12pm - Cetan Clawson
1:00 - Fur
2:00 - The Kickstand Band
3:00 - Pink Lightning
4:00 - The Maunder Minimum
5:00 - The Ruggs
6:00 - Pewter Cub
7:00 - Lee Marvin Computer Arm
8:00 - The Juliets
9:00 - Unicornium
10:00 - Gardens (2 vegan 4 u)
11:00 - The Summer Pledge

SOAPBOX STAGE
4:00 - Ben Collins
5:00 - Bright Echo
6:00 - The Breaks

The safe bet in my opinion for tonight is Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin & Telekinesis at the Magic Stick with Lightning Love opening, followed by Breezee One at the CAID. That’s what I’ll probably do, so you should do it to because I could use a babysitter.

I know the Hentchmen are playing at the Painted Lady as part of that Panic In Hamtramck Festival with Daily Void (Chicago), the Potions and the Rads, and Sponge and Candlebox are playing at Guns & Ammo festival… so you do have some decisions to make.

What is everyone else doing? We could all do our own thing and then go hang out in that Hamtramck campground and pound some 40s. Who’s with me?

So almost everyone saw the trailer all over the place for this new Johnny Knoxville documentary about Detroit. Just in case you missed it, here it is:

So it says that the full documentary will be available on August 30th. I was interested in seeing it and then August 30th came and went and I didn’t see it, but then Facebook told me what was up.

Hey guys, just an update on the “Detroit Lives” film with Johnny Knoxville. We’ve moved the full-length premiere to next week. More deets and news to come. Thanks for sticking with us!

Hey! Someone not doing something they said they were doing… welcome to Detroit!

In other Detroit news, Willy Wilson is back on the airwaves starting tomorrow from 6:30pm until 9:00pm on CJAM, which is 99.1FM. Here is an article. I always think that I am one of the last people around who actually believe that good radio can/will make a huge difference again someday, so things like this happening genuinely excite me.

Did anyone do or see anything this past weekend they would like to share with the class? Is anyone excited to bring a gun to Arts, Beats & Eats?

I was going to do some weekend recap, where I talk about my 2.75 days of Fucking Awesome Fest, and then how Dream Affair at the CAID was one the best sets I’d seen this year, and how little weirdo underground shows with 40 people who have no idea that some “big” music festival thing is happening down the street is kind of refreshing. Really though, who gives a shit?

I used to always have the same gripe. I’d moan and groan and ask “Why does everything that ever happens in this town have to packaged as festival with high priced drinks and dumb wristbands and some gimmick and…”.  I’d go on and on and convince myself that I preferred the standard three band bill at the small venue. You know what? I don’t. I like the festival. I like the festival so much that I’m only going to festivals.

This wouldn’t be the case if you fucking people could control yourselves and your live schedule. You can’t. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t just delusional so I went through the Fucking Awesome Fest schedule to see what bands would be playing locally somewhere within two weeks of playing Fucking Awesome. I stopped somewhere on the Friday schedule, but take a look at this!

The Drags - August 27th, Jessica Hernandez - September 4th, The Satin Peaches - Auguest 26th, Sisters Of Your Sunshine Vapor - August 28th, Marco Polio - August 28th, Lettercamp - August 29th, Silverghost - September 3rd, Frustrations - August 24th, Prussia - September 3rd, Citizen Smile - August 29th, Kickstand Band - August 27th, Darling Imperial - August 29th, Handgrenades - August 27th, Zoos Of Berlin - September 4th…

I stopped so I didn’t have to throw the computer out the window. Oh, hey! Guess what happens next weekend? There is a festival on Belle Isle called Come Hear Belle Isle,  and also People’s Art Festival at the Russell Industrial Center. You know what happens the weekend after that? Arts, Beats and Eats Festival, and The Hamtramck Labor Day Festival! You know what happens the weekend after that? Dally In The Alley Festival. The weekend after that? Ferndale DIY Street Fair Festival. The weekend after that?? Probably fucking Blowout. Is this real life?

So how many regular “festivals” do we have that champion local music? Blowout, Phonotropic, Hamtramck Labor Day Festival, People’s Art Festival, Dally In The Ally, Fucking Awesome, Scrummage Fest… I know I’m missing some. Does Panic In Hamtramck still exist?

Here is my proposal. Why don’t all of you people sit down… and space this shit out to happen every two months. You will have the foot traffic of the fans of the 20 - 300 other bands you’ll be playing with, and you won’t have to do anything in between. Then, if I can’t make it to one of our every other month festivals, my anticipation will have a chance to grow… over 59 glorious days. I will spend those 59 days doing things like looking longingly at your horrible press photo and drawing our names into hearts on my notebook. It will be a battle, but I think we can get through this.

In my fantasyland every band wouldn’t be allowed to play every festival. Perhaps that could groom the scene into one where bands who don’t have a show that weekend (lol) go and see other bands, you know, just as music fans. Do you have any idea the number of people I saw who were playing Fucking Awesome Fest on Saturday show up Saturday for the first time all weekend? Lots. So they either thought Thursday and Friday were complete horeshit, or they are all way smarter than I am and figured they could see these bands a hundred more times this year. Fair enough.

I’m looking to meet with the King of The Majestic Complex and the King of The Crofoot and The King of Ferndale to start. When do you guys want to get together and start ironing this out? I suggest we meet at The King of Ferndale’s castle since it’s between the two and also has good hamburgers. He’ll buy.

So how was your weekend?

That was pretty fun, huh?

I asked someone who worked for the Majestic on the festival what they thought and their review was “it was lame last night, holmes.” Well okay then!

The bands I saw were good. The bands I didn’t see were probably good too. I’d never seen Kickstand Band before but I liked it a lot, mostly because that one guy said “We don’t have anything at the merch table. This is our gift to you.” More bands should be harder on themselves.

Tonight’s lineup is good. I really want to see Deadbeat Beat. I also want to see Illy Mack and Slufter and Millions Of Brazilians, and the last Friendly Foes show ever. I also want a Fosters.

Also, FYI, I’ll be cutting my Fucking Awesome experience short tonight and heading over to the CAID around midnight to see Dream Affair and maybe some of Healers. Healers is a new project of Randy Chabot’s. He was Deastro once upon a time. Dream Affair is from Brooklyn and that makes everything they do better than anything you do. Also you can BYOB. WTF?

I think I may have overdone it.  That being said, I had a nice time. I saw some things, I missed some things, I drank some things, and also said some things. Things went well.

I missed all of Prussia and most of Silverghost. For that, I am sorry.

1. The Silent Years were great. I cannot understand how any of you idiots would ever call that boring, but what do I know?
2. Lettercamp busted out a sweet cover of Hall & Oats’ Private Eyes. People seemed to like it, but the clapping part didn’t catch on. They should play it again. We can learn. Also, what was up with that broads outfit? A chain mail shirt and spandex pants? For the first two songs I thought it was Marco Polio or Lord Scrummage.
3. I’m glad Frustrations exist. They remind me that my whole life doesn’t have to revolve around faggot pop music.
4. If you’re in a room with Marco Polio, you have to just deal with the fact that they will be having more fun than you. There’s not a whole lot you can do about it.
5. I don’t know exactly when The Satin Peaches went glam, but I’m happy they did. They’re going on a long US tour, unless they stop anywhere in Iowa, Nebraska, Kansas, or Missouri, where they will have their asses beaten relentlessly.
6. Jessica Hernandez is good. Plus, there’s just something about a girl in super high rise jeans.

What about tonight?

Kickstand, Zoos, Fawn, Child Bite, Noman, Females, Ponys.
Those are my picks.  Who wants to go get a drink with me right now?

First, an important note: The Terrible Twos and The Displays have canceled their sets at Fucking Awesome Fest. Illy Mack will take the Friendly Foes’ spot at the Stick on Saturday, and the Foes will move down to fill the next latest spot in The Cafe. Plan accordingly…

Here is a quick list of some recommendations for the evening. If no one drops the ball, or no idiot band decides that they need a 50 minute experimental drone set, then you will have an option to take in a little bit of everything. Here is a short list of bands I have decided that you should spend a few extra minutes watching, and I’m the boss.

Jessica Hernandez & The Deltas • 9:15 / The Magic Stick
I haven’t seen her play since Dally last year, I think. New backing band. Same fantastic voice.

The Satin Peaches • 9:45 / The Magic Stick
This is as good of a time as any to let you know that our vanity label will be putting out a Satin Peaches single in November. We’re only watching and recommending this horseshit because now we have vested interest.

Marco Polio & The Vaccines • 10:15 / Majestic Cafe
I have no idea what you’ll get. Umbrellas, giant paper circles said to collect negative energy, bird feathers… Stand in the back and don’t make eye contact. That’s the best advice I can give you.

Lettercamp • 11:00 / Majestic Cafe
see The Satin Peaches

Prussia • 12:00 / Majestic Cafe
If that guy doesn’t play the one song about being “god damn charming” within the first three, then I’m peacing the fuck out bro.

The Silent Years • 12:15 / Magic Stick
I love the new record that didn’t come out. It might be rewritten or remastered or rerecorded or something. I have no idea. What I do know, is that they need to play the song about the teeth like trophies and the one about the lantern and coming home. Also, please make sure they come during the second half of the set because I’m trying to wait for that dude in Prussia to play the one song I like.

All you have to do is make it through today and tomorrow. How hard can that be? If you succeed at that, on Thursday evening you can begin a four day all out assault on your ears and liver. It’s festival time! Fucking Awesome Fest. Four days, fifty bands, three stages, and an ungodly amount of alcohol. Pair that with one flight of stairs and hundreds of idiots trying to see as much as they can and you’ve got yourself quite the party.

The Majestic has stripped it down just a touch this year, doing away with the Saturday afternoon BBQ on the deck. That does bum me out because I thought that was a blast last year. Still, by Saturday afternoon you might just show up on the deck because you have no idea what to do with yourself between each evenings festivities. The Majestic Complex is life… the rest is just details.

THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
SUNDAY

Each of those links will provide you with a list of the trouble you’re about to get into. Our very own Jasper X. Scuttlebutt took time away from his busy schedule to provide the Majestic with a little blurb for each artist, so make sure you take a look at those while you’re over there. A full preview of the Fest will be up here tomorrow, but today we just want to give you a pair of all access wristbands. Depending on which poster you look at, this is either a 60 dollar or 50 dollar value. Either way, it’s quite the deal.

If you’d like to win these wristbands, all you have to do is leave a comment which includes something that’s Fucking Awesome. Make sure you fill out the email address portion of the form so we can notify you if you win. Oh, and I’m telling you right now that fucking chimp vs. frog video is immediate disqualification.

Have fun. Be safe.

So The Victorious Secrets have won the freecreditreport.com song contest. Yeah, those are the same guys who won the Fox Sports Detroit April In The D contest awhile back.

They will be featured in the national ad campaign, get $10,000, some Pearl drums, some Gibson guitars, some studio time and even an invite to the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards.

The Victorious Secrets are made up of Daniel Zott on guitar, Mike Mulliniks on guitar, Daniel Rossi on drums, Stephen Saputo on keyboards and Bryon Rossi on bass. Use your googler to figure out where you know those names from.

Here is the jingle that everyone in ‘Merica thought was the bees knees. Congrats guys.

http://www.fivethreedialtone.com/podcastbox/tvs.flv