Ugh. Hey Hollywood, Shut. The Fuck. Up. No one remembers how well this worked four years ago? You know who’s not going to sway the hillbilly vote over to Obama? Rich folk who are paid to pretend they’re someone else. And also that guy whose band sings “My Humps”.

Speaking of Hollywood, guess who’s coming all the way out from LA to play an Art Fag Incorporated party. Punk Bunny. (NSFW photos)

In non music news, today is the last day you can vote for Children’s Hospital to receive a Fun Center from Colgate.  I wouldn’t usually ask anyone for this type of help, but the voting between Detroit and Houston is so close that a hundred votes could probably swing it.  It takes all of 2 seconds. CLICK RIGHT HERE.

Colgate-Palmolive and Starlight Starbright Children’s Foundation have teamed up this year to help children with Sickle Cell Disease and their families cope with the pain, fear and isolation of this terrible disease. By providing FUN CENTERS in hospitals, these children can forget about their illnesses for a moment and remember how to have fun.

Now that you’re feeling better about yourself as a human being..
A Mexican woman, a Cambodian Woman, and 100 white people walk into a bar..

I usually love to give the benefit of the doubt.  But I really don’t understand touring when you’re almost the equivalent to any live band in a Mexican restaurant.  That’s how I felt about Cordero.  I only say this after, again, a band played way too long.  The first 20 minutes were neat enough, I felt like I was seeing Jennifer Lopez and I can get down with some mariachi madness with best of them.  After that, I overheard someone tell their friend that “none of this is in english!”  It wasn’t, until J-Lo demanded a shot of Makers Mark that she promised to square up for later.  That part was pretty cool, I guess.  Also cool was that in between somewhat beautiful spanish music, the drummer who was from Downriver Kentucky would start telling stories in a crazy southern drawl.  Most of them started with “This one time we was in the New York City..”

So why is it, then, if I hated most of the opening set that I fell in love with with Dengue Fever?  I don’t know, here’s one reason.  Aside from that though they were a really fun band to see.  I usually hate non-english anything.  Somehow a 7 foot tall black man blaying bass and jumping in sync with a 5′6″ Hasidic Jew does wonders for a language barrier.  That’s not fair.. I have no idea if he was Jewish, but his last name is Holtzman, and he had a beard I could only dream of.  Regardless, this band had bangers.  I would have never imagined that I liked saxophones as much as I did, but I do.  When I began my fancy foot shuffle, the fan who suggested I came out said “See! The world beat gets you!”  Yeah, I guess it does.  I was dancing like an idiot so much that some girl had to move me out of the way.  She did so very nicely, and they were very friendly folks.  Excuse me for being 5′9″.   Next time give me your phone number.

Atlas Sound tonight, then Battling Siki / Kelly Jean Caldwell at The Painted Lady?  Perfect.

FOX2 got Carjack‘d. The line about Monica Gayle “killing her batteries”… does that mean she uses her vibrator a lot? I’m pretty sure that’s what it means.

I’m not sure if Dengue Fever are real Cambodians, but they were described as Cambodian Dance Rock.  Those are 3 very good qualities all wrapped into one.  Tonight, in Pontiac Michigan you should come have a preweekend drink.  The Pike Room, 9 pm.

Lemmy Caution vs Alpha Soixante dj throughout the night.  Lemmy Caution goes from Art F*g to Art Fag spinning wild sleazy listening jams.  They’re both nice enough fellas so don’t mind asking them “hey, what was that you played..” because you’re not going to know.  Unless you’re one of those types.. you know the ones.

Does the new Electric Six video hit a new high or a new low? I’m not sure how you’d tell the difference.

Hey look. Pitchfork has photos and a review of the Crystals Castles / HEALTH show last night in Chicago. If you squint, It looks just like my Magic Stick review, but with more awesome-y adjectives.

In yet another attempt to get people to stop reading this website, let me share with you that I’m really hoping for a Detroit date. Rock City should get STP to play the Garden Bowl.

I never posted anything about the whole Maxim Reviewing An Album They Never Heard topic because I thought it was the equivalant of Cosmopolitan reviewing a sandwich they’d never eaten. But now it’s funny because Nas, has come forward to say Maxim did the same to him, and adds:
“I’d prefer [a review from] Playboy,” the rapper said to The New York Post. “That kind of stuff doesn’t reach my radar or affect anybody around me. I don’t know what a music rating from Maxim is… I don’t know what it even means really.”
Exactly. Doesn’t everyone know by now that blogs are where it’s at? Ugh…I actually threw up a bit while typing that.

Rock City Music Festival.
June 12-14

This has got to conflict with something. I think I have a dentist appointment the morning of June 12. The nerve of these jerks…

I was flipping through the Free Press, and saw this pretty snazzy article about the Majestic Theater Complex. It’s pretty sweet, and it makes me want to go bowling. Does anyone want to go bowling with me next week? PreBlowout Bowling party on Tuesday, it’s settled. Also, why did I have no idea that The Magic Stick was getting an outdoor patio? Drinking outside in Detroit is one of the greatest things in the free world. This summer is going to be rad.

To add to the summer of radicalness, the new Alvins is going to be doing something really special starting in April. This is so special, that I can’t even tell you yet what it is. Just be ready for a giant callous on your hand due to excessive high-fives. Oh, and be ready for a liver transplant too.

I’m not a huge fan of the Atlas Sound record. That being said, I was told that “this dude gets blowjobs on stage and stuff!” Well then, I guess I’ll be making a stop at The Magic Stick this Friday for a few to see this spectacle. I love a spectacle. The show I spoke of before at The Painted Lady on Friday will have Battling Siki, The Pulse and Motor City Midwives, which is Molly Jean and Maria from The Decks. All this plus Kelly Jean Caldwell. That’s a lot of Jeans. How do I see Atlas Sound, all those bands at The Painted Lady and Lez Zepplin at the Magic Bag? I don’t.

Just a nit-picking question here, but why aren’t the set times for the Blowout Launch Party staggered? There’s only two venues. Next door to each other. If you overlap set times between the stages, there’s always something happening and I can catch some of each act. If things go according to the schedule, you’ve got people standing around waiting for the next band at both venues. I don’t get it.
Anyway, I’m currently going through the MySpace links of bands playing next Thursday. During Blowout, I try to focus on bands I’ve never seen rather than the shows I normally attend. I can not explain my frustration with MySpace right now. Half of the players aren’t even loading. Why isn’t there a site just for bands to have their music streaming? You know, like a professional MySpace. Remember when bands had their own fully functional websites? That was awesome.

I keep forgetting to mention this because I’m not sure I’ll be able to make it, but this Saturday Art Fag Inc. will be DJing the New Grenada CD Release show at The Belmont with Pop Project and Kiddo. Will I be able to make it and join my AFI brethren at the last minute like that scene in that one movie? I guess you’ll have to show up to find out.

Nice. The Magic Stick just landed The Teenagers on April 30. The same “weekend” as Ghostland Observatory on May 3 at St Andrews. The same “weekend” I will be out of town. Awesome. If someone wants to book Jaguar Love on May 1 and The Faint on May 2, you could make my hell complete. [By the way, Jaguar Love is currently booking for March/April if any of you venues didn't already know.]

Thanks to whoever posted the comment with a link to The Assimilated Negro interviewing the guy from Stuff White People Like. There’s some funny shit in there, but my favorite part is the story of how SWPL started:

IM conversation. about The Wire. simple as that. my friend declared he didn’t not value the opinions or trust anyone who did not watch The Wire. we said “they don’t watch because they are too busy doing yoga” and it just spit balled from there. or snowballed. fuck it, it just grew from there.

Have I mentioned The Wire before? It’s a good show.

Speaking of shit I talk about too much while knowing full-well that no one cares about it — in Jason Statham news, here’s new details about The Transporter trilogy. Yes, trilogy. And here’s the trailer for his new film, The Bank Job.

I didn’t know what to expect as far as crowd turnout last night. Crystal Castles and HEALTH can sell out in a dozen cities across the US, but this is Detroit. On a Tuesday. And those in what used be regarded as “the scene” around here mostly hate nu-rave-indie-thrash-electro-dance music. So I figured it was either going to be another embarrassing night as a member of a 12-person crowd. Or if the bands were lucky, The Stick would maybe be a quarter full.
I was wrong. It was almost triple that. The place was full of WebVomit readers’ most-hated demographic: kids. You know, the ones who dress weird and smile and dance and have fun. You guys would have hated it, but Crystal Castles’ played the best set I’ve seen from a touring band in a while. I missed Charlie Slick due to icy roads and traffic. I saw all of HEALTH — they were about half great and half noise (video here). But Crystal Castles…it was the best Art Fag party we never threw. Every light upstairs was turned off — the pool area, the merch table, the bar area. Complete blackness except for a strobe on the floor of the stage, occasionally picked up by Alice Glass as she bounced around the stage or surfed on top of the crowd while singing. Whether it was strobe-induced seizures or actual dancing, most of the crowd was moving throughout their performance.
The fact that this show was so well attended and has made my week. Now I just have to figure out how to get that crowd into The CAID every third Friday.

I’m not going to point figures at anyone, but what I’m going to say is that it’s become obvious that conducting an interview must be pretty difficult. I say this because the last one hundred or so that i’ve gotten through are absolutely brutal. I’ve never really conducted a formal interview, but I would be willing to give it a shot. Who can I interview? Maybe phone interviewing is the problem. Maybe it doesn’t even matter. If you get an email from me asking to interview just say yes, but please know I’m going to ask the tough to answer questions.

WEBVOMIT says go to Crystal Castles. I endorse this show, but please be warned there is only an 83% chance I will be in attendance.

This Friday there is a pretty spectacular show at The Painted Lady that features Kelly Jean Caldwell. Ex-Saturday Looks Good To Me, Ex-Showdown At The Equator, and Ex-Wife to that husband of hers after she meets me. Actually I have met the both of them. She didn’t seem too impressed, he didn’t seem too threatened. Go Listen To Her, and then go see her play. She’s not around these parts nearly as often as we’d like her to be and it’d be a shame if you missed it.