There’s bound to be a lot of shakin’ going on at the Majestic this weekend (get it?), during the two-day Detroit Rocks For Haiti Festival. Twenty-two bands will perform over two nights, and join the rest of the world in sharing aid with the people of Haiti — which is only fair, since the people of Haiti have been sharing their AIDS with the world for years.

Minimum donation of $8 per night gets you into the show. Net door proceeds and a portion of bar revenues will go somewhere, I’m sure.

This is pretty boring, huh? I know.

BLOWOUT BANDS: Offers will BEGIN going out TODAY…but will continue coming out all week. We are doing this on a showcase-to-showcase basis. Official lineups announced SATURDAY, JAN. 30th.

At least that is going on… So here is how it will work this year: You will get an email. It will look exactly like this:

2010 Blowout - You have been selected to play!

Hello All,

Congratulations — you or your band has been selected to play the 2010 Metro Times Blowout Music Festival!  Thank you for applying! Welcome!

http://metrotimes.com/blowout/

This email is our fist step in securing your slot.  Please reply to this email ASAP so we can move forward with sending you your showcase/payment (if applicable) offer/information, etc. If we do not hear back from you in 72 hours, we will assume you are no longer interested in playing, so please do you best to get back to us in a timely manner.

The Blowout is March 3-6, 2010. Please keep these dates open.

Also, if you have a really good reason (meaning, totally unavoidable and dire) for needing a specific date, please let me know right away. PLEASE BE SELECTIVE WITH SPECIAL REQUESTS.

Also, if your friends ask, it will take ALL WEEK to get this thing finalized. You are just the first of several batches poised to receive this email. Nobody needs to worry about whether or not they were selected this year until after the official announcement (Jan. 30).

Thank you so much for applying this year — the weekend is completely about you dudes.

With a pick slide,

Eve

So… A million of these went out today. You didn’t get one? You suck. Wait, it says right there that no one needs to be worried until AFTER the official announcement. So you don’t suck… you’re just a big secret.

If  you haven’t gotten this yet, it just means you’re not the favorite of anyone involved. That’s okay though… last year they put The Dead Bodies on the schedule without them submitting, so if that happens again there will be a spot available last minute for you. Congrats!

Feel free to use the comment section to confirm if your band got the email as a way to make the other bands around here feel inferior.

This city bores me and some of you are to blame. I’ve taken Best Coast off repeat for the first time in almost a week to listen to the new Midlake. I’m only four minutes in, so it’s too soon to tell, but this sounds a lot like Midlake. If you’re the kind of person who’s into Midlake, you might be the kind of person who’s into this new Midlake album. How’s that for a review?

I haven’t felt much like blogging lately. Not much happening around here that really piques my interest. I could cover national shit but there’s nobody who’s into current music that doesn’t already read real blogs from real cities. And most people who scan this site are only reading to see if we mention their venue / band / newspaper or maybe a venue / band / newspaper they hate. I mean, Times New Viking is coming and St. Vincent and Wild Beasts and YACHT and I like those bands and blah blah blah but looking at all the shows coming up, besides this one, none of them have me more excited than The Royal Family Tour 2010.

Confide and Black Veil Brides. Together. On the same bill. I’m a little hurt neither of these bands called me to tell me they were coming, since I’ve been their biggest supporter, but I won’t hold it against them. If there’s anything you need to remember from 2009, after this video, it’s Confide’s brilliant cover of “Such Great Heights” and Black Veil Brides’s, um…whatever this is.

You’ll recall from my multiple crabcore posts and Facebook updates that Confide is the band that, even while being crabcore, somehow manages a less offensive Postal Service rip-off than Owl City. And Black Veil Brides is the emo goth band with the hot chick singer and the guitarist that rips off Zach Shipps’s head-nod-crowd-look-guitar move thing 2:04 minutes into that video.

Both bands. Together. On the same bill. This is Jasperfest 2010. The only way it could get better is if one of the other bands dropped off and We Are Romans filled in.

Oh shit, Track 06 on this Midlake album is great.

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make here is that I’m bored and someone better do something fun soon because it takes these bands coming to town before I even consider leaving my house and if you were to jam your finger into someone else’s asshole through a layer or two of clothing — not in like a hot / sex / penetration way, but in a purposely uncomfortable and painful way to pretty much paralyze the person — is there a name for that?

Detroit is contagious, I guess. After Punk Bunny arrived here and got settled in at the house of someone who cooks at Sgt. Pepperonis, there was a blowup of sorts, and Luigi who fronts the band took off and stranded the rest of them in our lovely city.

With that the news came down that Punk Bunny is “officially done”, which in band-speak means they will all be besties again in a few days.

That being said, tonight’s show at The Cafe is canceled.  Maybe the rest of Punk Bunny will go with that guy to work tonight and be guest-chef’s at Sgt. Pepperonis? If that’s the case, please tip them well.

Once upon a time there was some dumb dance party where people would show up in various states of intoxication and act ridiculous and pretend they knew how to dance and everyone had fun and we’d bring in a dancy-type band to help out.

All the way from California came this insane… troupe? Band? I have no idea how to classify what I saw, but I also was entertained beyond my wildest expectations. On top of that… sometimes you get to see a boob. They called it Punk Bunny.

I never really expected them to make it all the way back here, but tomorrow they will be at The Majestic Cafe. It’ll run you five American dollars, and some proof that you’re of legal age to see a breast. I don’t know if there is an opener, or what time it starts, so it’s best you go and lineup now.

That being said, tonight Joey McIntyre or whoever from New Kids On The Block is playing The Magic Bag. Somewhere I read that adult women were lining up this morning for this occasion, so I’m going to go walk my new puppy up Woodward in that direction and see if I can’t manage some strange. I’ll leave you with a 2 Punk Bunny videos, though!

So when faced with the dilemma of seeing real bands play real songs and instruments like I wanted to do, or go see joke-bands wear capes and masks and stuff like the other guy was suggesting… I just went with the one that was closest.

I caught Adam Green’s entire set, and it was insanely more energetic than what I’d seen previously. He had the opening band (who I missed) play with him, giving him full reign to be a drugged up lunatic in the most entertaining of ways. At one point someone from the crowd yelled to him that his girlfriend was outside and couldn’t get in, causing Green to stop the show and (I think) mock this kid by just speaking to the back of the venue saying things like “She’s cool, just go ahead and let her in.” The sound was great, and it was the most entertaining set I’d seen in a really long time. People were throwing around terms like “quirky” and “uncomfortable” to describe it… so I guess it was quirky and uncomfortably entertaining.

The Cribs are good. They aren’t my favorite thing ever but they deliver what they attempt to deliver. Oh, and Johnny Marr plays guitar with them. I guess to get the Johnny Marr sound it takes that tech guy like an extra 15 minutes to fiddle with your stuff, so if that’s the sound you’re going for I suggest more fiddling. I remember having a drunk realization that Johnny Marr looks like Arun Bali crossed with Bobby Harlow crossed with a bird, just older. Okay, I just rechecked and maybe I was a little off.

I have to complain about something, because it’s been awhile. I love the Magic Bag, really. The sight lines are great, the sound is always made a priority… BUT. Who’s idea was it to play The Moldy Peaches after Adam Green’s set then Electronic before The Cribs came out? I would have to imagine that the last thing you want to hear when you’re touring in a band is your old bands records. Maybe I’m wrong… maybe the bands insisted on that playlist. I have no idea.

So, tonight? Plans?

The Majestic is doing a really cool customer appreciation night, where if you get there early enough they will feed and beverage you for 0$, and the cost to get in will be 0$ all night. Plus, you can mosey over to the Cafe and catch Oscillating Fan Club, Lord Scrummage, and Oblisk. That’s going to run you $5, though.

This is a poor excuse for a blog entry, but I don’t have much time to remind you that, if you don’t want to go see some guitarist who was in some 80s band, V count Macula is performing at the Magic Stick tonight, with Mobil and Dark Red. It might be a double video premiere but I don’t have time to fact-check that.

I wonder which is the bigger draw in this town.

The only thing I should have to say is that this show will feature Johnny Marr on guitar. That alone should make people flock and stand in awe and all of that stuff. Maybe it will.

The Cribs are from England, were handpicked by The Sex Pistols to play some of their reunion gigs, and their record Ignore The Ignorant made several major top 10 lists last year. They’ve collaborated with Lee Ronaldo of Sonic Youth, and Johnny Marr of The Smiths, who now plays guitar for the band full time. How about that?

Opening the show is Adam Green, who I haven’t seen in years since he played The Lager House way back when. He was a member of The Moldy Peaches with Kimya Dawson, and his sound may take a few listens to grow on you. Trust me though, there are hits. He’s got a new record out called Minor Love on Rough Trade Records.

The show takes places tomorrow, January 14th, at the Magic Bag in Ferndale and we’ve got a pair of guest list spots to give away. Here is how you can win: Leave a comment with your favorite piece of slang. Word & definition! Make sure you fill out the email portion of the comment field (it will be kept private) and the winner will be notified tomorrow!

Crib - Home
Green - Marijuana

Adam Green - Castles & Tassels
The Cribs - Hari Kari

She’s the Dutchess and He’s the Duke. They’re coming in tonight to play for Detroit again, and it should fall somewhere between “dinner” and “sleep” on your to-do list today.

Dutchess & The Duke have singles on Sub-Pop and Hozac, and are touring with Medication who also have a new LP on Hozac. That should translate into weirdo artpunk kids in leather jackets drinking Newcastles or whatever they drink… but who knows.

Opening the show is a (new?) local act called The Baptist Church… which features Don Blum of the Von Bondies and Tia Fletcher of The Demolition Doll Rods. They go on promptly at 10pm, so you should plan your night around that detail.

The show is at The Majestic Cafe, it’s $8, it’s all ages so you’ll get home in time for whatever late night trash TV you like. Let me attempt to entice you with sweet sounds.

Dutchess & The Duke - Back To Me

Medication - Don’t Die